Living with ADD
Support for ADD / ADHD
how do you know
How do you know if its ADD or if it is just the normal living with distractions in the 20 century. How do you if its just too much tv or video games. how do you know its not just bad organization and the regular messiness. if the criteria is it effecting daily life to the point of failing then I can see it. But if it is something else then the waters are a lot more murkier than I thoght
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Beth Donovan on -
Has your child been tested for ADD? If not that would be the best place to start. Talk to your child's therapist and see what they recommend.
Television and video games can be reduced. You can hire someone to help you organize or you can get a self help on Organizing, the clutter.
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Permalink Reply by JustQuetsy on -
Torrence, there is an enormous sense of overwhleming feeling. People with ADHD see everything foggy. It's not clear to them. Or should I say, US. We have to work extra hard to do what someone without ADHD does. Some of us have been mistaken for idiots or morons. Which is why most of us with ADHD feel insecure, only adding fuel to the fire.
Some people can live without medication, some cannot even function. Not even seeing clearly what their first step is to do something so simple as making the bed.
When someone that has a great self-esteem and has ADHD, they can soar! There is no end to what they can accomplish.
I hope this has helped. I can go on forever about symptoms, though.
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Permalink Reply by Roy on -
I too wonder if I have ADD or is it just in My head. All You can do is Your best in life . I think We all knock our selfs to much and look at the things that go wrong. Since I found this site , it has helped Me get a new belief(or hope) in Myself. I now realise from reading many of the topics on here , ADDers are much more creative , special , and unique than they seem to realise them selfs. Thank you three good posts above.
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Permalink Reply by Annette on -
Well, are you talking about a child or yourself? My son has had ADHDH since he was 5 and it has been a horrible ride. He is way behind in being mature. He has had tantrums and mad fits since he was little. He is on some meds, and it is helping a little. He is 12 now, and he is still hard to deal with. He is very "lazy" sloppy, very non-independant and emotional. He had a very hard time with mulit-tasking, but is getting better. I would make lists all the time and post them. When it comes to homework, he doesn't like to study or do anything that is hard and he is very disorganized still. He binder is a mess and as he has been growing up, he has been finding the easy way to do things, like putting his penicils in pends in his pocket after class instead of where it belongs. Today he didn't bring home his back pack. I asked him why and he said that the locker wouldn't open. So why not ask for help? He never does. He is in middle school.
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Permalink Reply by Roy on
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Annette said:Well, are you talking about a child or yourself? My son has had ADHDH since he was 5 and it has been a horrible ride. He is way behind in being mature. He has had tantrums and mad fits since he was little. He is on some meds, and it is helping a little. He is 12 now, and he is still hard to deal with. He is very "lazy" sloppy, very non-independant and emotional. He had a very hard time with mulit-tasking, but is getting better. I would make lists all the time and post them. When it comes to homework, he doesn't like to study or do anything that is hard and he is very disorganized still. He binder is a mess and as he has been growing up, he has been finding the easy way to do things, like putting his penicils in pends in his pocket after class instead of where it belongs. Today he didn't bring home his back pack. I asked him why and he said that the locker wouldn't open. So why not ask for help? He never does. He is in middle school.
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Permalink Reply by Roy on
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Annette not sure how I managed to send your post back to You . Anyway since then I spent an hour trying to explain how much I was /am like the way You described Your Son by doing another post. Then my computer crashed. I m to tired now to try to redo what I had said.
I will when I m less tired one thing You said Your son is lazy. I was told I was lazy all the time when I was Young by my step dad , teachers etc( punished and told off for all the others) I started doing a paper round when I was Twelve, seven mornings six evenings a week. I have never been out of work since my sixteenth birthday.I am fifty now. This morning I started doing paper work. 5.50am uk time started to tidy my van up at 8 got to my job at 9.40am worked until 10.35pm (I m a self employed construction worker) I don't work this many hours normally but when I have to I will. It's now 2.08 UK time , sad or what ,
I am lazy when I m not motivated, I wish I could write some more but I am so tired now. I just had to reply as I would hate You both to go down the same path as I did with my parents etcI just hope You can somehow find away to understand He can not probably help it. I have battled all my life with those problems I hope things improve for you both ,
I
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Permalink Reply by Roy on
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Sorry I m back on again , ( I have slept for a few hours) it's just this topic is close to my heart. Annette obviously you have had a hard time and sounds like You are pulling Your hair out. It s good to get non ADDers view. . Even though I struggle if anybody ever told me ,they had ADD/ADHD because they were struggling with easy things them self up to a couple of years ago . I might not have told them, but I would have thought to Myself, it's in their head, they just don't try hard enough. It was not until I was told by a ADDer that They thought I was probably ADHD .At first I laughed it of . Then the alarm bells rang and I realised all the Years of being knocked and knocking myself were pointless. I could not help it, it's just the way I am.What I m trying to say and put my point across is My parents etc or myself never had a clue about ADD. I wish when I was young they and myself would have known. Not saying it would have improved things but at least there would have been a opportunity. It may not seem much consolation and I don't want to be patronising but at least You know.
Your son misplaces pens. All day long I put keys,pens, tobacco ,money , every time without thinking in different pockets, places,etc after I have used them. It drives Me mad. Every time I go to my Van to get tools or fittings , I m patting my pockets searching for them. It's not rocket science for anyoneme to realise ,I shaould wear trousers ,jackets with less pockets. Tie my keys to a chain and keep them around My neck. A two year old could work that out. Simple so simple . I have tried and tried to get over this problem, the only way I can explain it is , when say I am locking My van up, a split second before I finish locking it My brain is already focased on the next task. I try not to get annoyed anymore, it's just the way I am.
It's probably took Me well over a hour to write this much, so I better not even try and explain any of my disorganised or multi tasking set backs .but I always keep trying .
I was never encouraged when I was young. I would have loved My step dad to have just said once well done son or I m proud of You son or when I did something wrong explain why it was wrong. I remember coming back home once and leaving my clean trainers on the work top in the kitchen,,obviously I was told of. I could not understand why At the time. A while later I realised later obviously it's not hygienic . I just wish instead of being shouted at or smacked I could have been told with a explanation why I should not have put my shoes there. It may seem to Your son is not trying,. (I m in no position to say or have the right to) I have always tried to explain the reasons why I have told my own children off,I probably explain to much that it don't sink in .no one in this world has tried harder than me to get over similar problems that your son may have. When I was an apprentice I got awarded a tropy for being the best student at college ,I was so so proud of Myself ?I had to go to the award ceremony ,my mother came but my step father never.I was so upset So maybe that's why I always try so hard .
I can't tell You what to do, but maybe You could try spending some quality time together, perhaps You could ask him what He would like to do and just listen to him and not judge him. Everyone has some good qualities in them hopefully You can try and develop these in Your son. And they could maybe start to maybe out balance the negatives,
When I was your sons age the doctors said I was just highly emotional ,Nervous sensitive etc. I would cry .My parents tried there best I suppose ,they were so strict ,when I was naughty I was sent to bed with no tea, they kept me away from the local kids so I would not get int any trouble.
I stared skipping school , if I got into an argument I would worry I would start to cry ,so I ld end up fighting whoever, I ve never cryed once, since I left home, not at funerals, I ve hid my emotions from everyone, I ca nt even tell my wife I would just feel I have failed and here I am telling complete strangers my short comings.
If Your still reading and have not got a head ache .I m sorry I could not have been able to have condensed the above , into less words like most people can. I'm in my third hour of this letter now . But it would mean the world to me if it helped improve You and your sons life just one percent.
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Permalink Reply by Annette on
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Hi Roy,
I have read all that you wrote and I am glad I read every word of it. When I talk about my son (which I don't like to anymore because people just roll their eyes or think oh he is just a kid), but they don't know anything until they have walked in my shoes. I know I talk negative about my son, but I don't do it intentionally. It comes from me because of my depression and I am being treated for ADD too..I have bipolar also, and so does my son..they just said he has a mood disorder. Maybe all this is why he acts the way he does. Sorry I am rambling here. I have a hard time writing or even saying things in sequence. I ten to jump around.
Instead of going back to when my son was 5...i will speed up to his current age..12...(But I will say one thing, his dad was in the Navy all the way up until now and he has been gone most of his life, so it has just been me). Being a military family (he is retired now) was very hard. But he had some friends on base. They mostly were kids who also had ADHD. How wierd is that? But cool in itself. They liked playing video games. That was their things. He didn't have much problems with them exept because my son is so passive, and craving to fit in, he would do things so that his friends would like him more. But they would walk all over him sometimes. When the kids stayed over sometimes, I would monitor how they treated each other, and his friends would often want to take over the game..or my son would do that too. He likes people watch him play. Oh my, this is going to be a long story...hope you can stay with me.
My husband had to retire (cause he didn't make chief), so we were forced to move out of military housing that we have lived in for the last 11 years. That is all that Devin knows. He has a sister also who is 8 now, and he gets so irritated with her. Devin has a hard time with transition...and change. There was nothing we could do, and I am sure that my husband and I fighting so much over where to live, or finances was not good for them..i am so sorry for that. My kids are already going through so much. Having to leave their friends whom they have known for a while. My son had a cruch on a girl for the last 2 years while he was in school there. He was crushed. But I would try to talk about it with him. I guess since my husband gets mad at him for showing his emotions and wants him to be a man so much, Devin doesn't show it a lot. But since he is comfortable with me, he will tell me when he is ready. But we went therough the move, after finally finallizing on a place to live..my husband didn't want to live near family..cause of drama, personality conflicts and his poor family wanting money...he wouldn't of known unless we tried. My husband is another story. He is ADHD also and really bad. He has not seen anyone yet.
So we chose San Antonio, TX to live for the rest of our lives, even though we have never been here before, but it was for the military benefits, no state taxes and cheaper living. We did live in California. I sooo miss my friends there and my kids do too. Devin goes to a huge middle school. I have never seen such big schools. So it was intimidating at first. And being ADHD, he has an extra hard time with it. I can imagine being ADHD ( I am ADD though) and going into a big school..I would get lost and not know which way is up or down, lol. Things confuse me really easily if I am not shown the way, as I know that is is how my son feels. I know my son..things are complicated for him because things are not just A and B. It is A, B, C, D, etc. He has to filter out all the clutter when it comes to which class he has to go to. With all the students walking to their classes, pushing and shoving...it is hard to focus, and it makes him lose confidence. They even have stairs that go up high to the next level, and he gets so tired and behind. My son is overweight. He has been since he was a baby, and since I have been struggling with being the main caretaker and with my issues of being non-attentive and being disorganized and not being able to do things most moms can do and quickly and consistantly, I have not been able to do the best for him, which is get the most healthy foods in the house all the time and go and exersize with him. He is also flat footed, and has deformed toes and ankles which make it hard to walk, run, climb stairs, etc. And that discourages him even more, so that is why he complains when he has to do anything. Chores, take the dog out, go outside and do things normal kids do. We used to like to go play basketball together. That is our thing in common. But I don't know why he doesn't like to do it any more. I think he is gaining weight. He was crying and frustrated cause he couldn't fit into his pants one morning before school, and wouldn't tell me how he felt. But I know. Sometimes I am a hard mom and don't listen, but it is because I have to be. If he sees me as weak, then he walks all over me. But I love my son. We do talk, and we share our feelings. He knows a lot about me too, cause I think he is old enough to know my diagnosis. And he needs to learn about his too. Before school, we would sometimes go to the McDonalds to get breakfast or just hang out and play games on our phones or ipod. That is our time. When we have our time, it has to be without his sister.
So right now my son likes to play video games a lot on computer or playstation 3, and talk to people on there...he loves to read..he can read so many books and fast. He can sit there and read read read..but I can not do that. My mind wonders and I get sleepy, and then I am up again doing something else. He is so smart. When we were on a tram ride touring the Houston Space Center with th girl scouts, i couldn't remember most of what was said from the tour guide, and he relayed the information to me. I can't retain information or remember it. Right now he is also into card tricks and likes to do them for us. So most of his day is spent on that. I can see his interests starting to develop again. He has been being so moody though. Wonder if his meds need to be adjusted. He has been complaining of being tired..and no it isn't the meds. He gets tired because of his weight. He hates going up the stairs. So when I say he is "lazy" it might be for other reasons too. I understand what you are saying though. I am in no position to talk about weight though, cause i could lose some, but I have probs that I need to work through. So I feel horrible for not being able to help him. I guess I need some other forum to talk about my son because I feel bad I prob went totally off subject. Just trying to explain. My parents were not very helpful either. My mom says that depression is a weakness. My dad would not visit me in the hospital when i had a depressive episode. Well I don't know whether to erase my post or not because I cant see to stick to the topic. You did better at that than me, lol.
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Permalink Reply by Roy on
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Thanks for not rubbing of Your post Annette, after I wrote my repliys I half expected a barrage of abuse back, in your post you sounded so angry . but when I read your next post , you showed your real shelf and seem like a real caring person and really trying. Life is hard , I can relate to everything you wrote, I wish I could say something sensible to help , but my brains gone dead, phew! Everyone says.
You mentioned you thought you may have to try another site,, the accountable buddies section on here sounds good. (not sure what it entails though)
I feel I ld be patronising you if I say good luck etc to Devin and Your family, but I do really wish you all well and my thoughts are with You all. Thanks for writing such a nice and open post .cheers.
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Permalink Reply by Annette on
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Hi Roy, no I wasn't angry in my first post. I may come off like that cause I am trying to write so fast and am limited on time. I am happy to be open to people, but I know some look at it as negative. But I am glad you liked my post. I do have so much to say. If you still want to chat add me as a friend. I am still learning about ADD/ADHD and also my other diagnoses. I feel I am an expert with anxiety though. I did get an associates in Psychology, lol. But trying to balance family and the things I want to do besides family. It is not going so well. Always feeling guilty for doing things for myself.
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Permalink Reply by Hien Thu Nguyen on -
i know that i have add b/c my mind can never seem to focus and i am always having anxiety at some point in time.. the thing that you want to be able to take care of is your overwell being.. i have learned this. also, for me working out always helps calm me down. if you work hard to achieve what you can.. it should make you into a better person
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Permalink Reply by Thomas on
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ADD is hard to spot when a child is doing well in school and is not getting detention from the teacher.
First the easier of two types to spot is ADHD since the child or person is more hyper as they say but really they are jumping from stimuli to stimuli and they can super focus on a stimuli and get good grades and be very detailed.
The second- Adult ADD (no hyper) is much harder to spot since the stimuli is coming from internal thinking, like running ideas in your head but then lose track if the real world.
I myself is Adult ADD (no hyper) and i was not diagnosted till i was the age of 23, just finishing up college.
Usually ADD people can spot if someone else has a low or high degree of ADD since we can pick up their behavior actions and ask questions to the person to see if it matches what we know or experienced.
The problem in society is that ADD for adults is looked upon as if its something small. ADD is how we process and take in information in a 3D perspective while the ususl person thinks in 2D. ADD shapes us wither we have meds or no meds, meds only help us as a tool but it does not change us from not being ADD. ADD is just how we are built and there is nothing wrong with it, just that society and ADD people dont always mesh well :)
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