My sister learned this quote, I don't know from where but I like it.  "When people are squeezed what's in them comes out."  Just like a tube of Cheese Whiz, something is going to come out when you are squeezed.

So what's in you?  That was my immediate thought when reading this quote.  How do I respond when I am really squeezed, pressed, pushed?  I try to keep quiet until my mind gets to my core, to who I really am.

So when I am "squeezed" I know that the person who first appears is not me.  I know that my surface is angry when I am squeezed so I try not to respond in that mode.  So I try to remove myself until I can settle down.

I may need to take control and tell a person that this is not a good time for me to talk.  I may need to tell someone that I will be back in a second, I will call them back, "I am not fit for company right now but I will get back to you", then get back to them when I am in control of myself.

Taking control of my life means not re-acting to situations.  In not reacting (doing something wrong, saying something wrong, driving a car too fast, etc) I am still in control.  Instead, I take a few deep breaths.  These deep breaths give me time to get control of myself and the situation.  If people are in my face, pressing me, pushing me, yelling at me, I remove myself.  I refuse to be pushed into a response that is not me.

I work very hard not to be angry and to know who is my friend and who is my enemy.  I know I am very good at certain things, and that makes some people crazy.  I also understand that my past makes people less forgiving of me and sometimes they fail to see that I have changed.

I am not the same all the time.  If someone were to ask me "who is Samantha" I would tell them that it depends on the day and the time and what's going on. 

And that's okay with me.